fangirl mode

The year is 2015. I am in Cebu working graveyard shifts as an Insurance claims adjudicator. I stumble upon a music video where a teenage girl rides her bike and I am forever changed.

Girls like Girls is a song I play on repeat no matter the occasion because somehow, I find comfort in its message. It’s a reminder that we do not need permission to exist.

Some religions call LGBTQ folks an abomination and some countries even consider us criminals. Some states in the US even forbid teachers to say “gay” or to plainly discuss about genders. But what have we done to deserve all that? What are we, second rate citizens of the world? Is that why we are being discriminated, persecuted and deprived of human rights? If we are so wrong, then why would an omnipotent being create us in the first place then?

Anyway, two days ago, my tweet was retweeted by lesbian Jesus herself and I just cannot wrap my head around it 🥳😭🥰

As for the novel, I finished it in less than 24 hours because I found it heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. The songs are a bonus treat! You should try reading it before they ban it too for being too gay. 🙄

it’s the free fall

what scares and gets me pumped up at the same time is the free fall, not the height or the cold water down below but taking that huge risk and not knowing how i’ll land, where i’ll land or if i’d ever land at all.

–here we go. 🙂

no exchange policy

In my past life

All the miles between us

Would be reason enough to run and stop talking

Yet here I am, my love.

I’ll follow you

To Iligan and back

Even after I fall flat on the gravel road

I’d bike to where you are.

With you somehow

I know it will be rough

But suddenly I want to keep getting better;

nurture what we’ve become.

I will see you

From Germany, Europe

Past country stopovers and six hours of waiting

I’d fly to where you are.

My current self–

Far from being perfect.

But having you as sounding board and breathing space

Is a promise I’ll keep.

I’ll be with you

Age differences be damned

We’ll fight stereotypes, toxic traits, even “God”

We’ll always have us.

On cooking

I decided to cook today. Nothing beats sweet corn and grilled chicken back home though. 🌽 🍗

And since I don’t always cook, I went big and experimented a bit after seeing a recipe online.

Broccoli, sweet corn and baked chicken

Good job, self. 💪

Maybe I don’t want heaven

I was walking along the street on my way home, when I looked up and saw the sky. Makes me wonder, what kind of God would make such beautiful things and punish those who are in the minorities.

prompt: deep dementia

They both have deep dementia. Yesterday they walked around the facility together holding hands. A first. The stocky woman hums and sings a tune, sometimes she stops to blabber random words but she generally can’t start or follow conversations anymore. The man has blank downcast eyes and he mutters to himself while he shuffles around the halls, opening doors and peeking at rooms sometimes, looking for something or someone.

Where are their loved ones? When did they stop coming home to them? Is this what growing old looks like?

Watched Imagine Me and You again

In her acceptance speech, the distinguished scientist paid tribute to her husband, Dr. Chris Davis. Tomorrow the pair celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary after eloping together on the day they met. When asked how they could possibly have known that it would all work out, Professor Harrison replied in true scientific fashion: “We don’t know, you can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don’t love enough.”

4th of July

At times birthdays dig up closed off sentiments and some old pain resurfaces, throwing you off balance as mixed feelings of longing and helplessness washes over you. But is it really possible to lose people to death when we see them face to face in the mirror, hear their voices in our words, their memories seeping through the life we now know? Maybe the more pressing question we constantly have to go over is, would it be better to remember or to forget?

Ellie and Aster sketch

Yes, i am clearly a fan of the Half of It movie. It’s still on my mind until now. I even watched it again today.

And then i thought i’d try and draw a scene from the movie. It still needs work though.

This scene has Aster and Ellie meet at the hallway and they talk a bit while they pick Ellie’s things from the floor. And then if you can spot it, there’s a small finger rub from Ellie as she takes the phone from Aster. ❤

It’s been ten days since the premiere of the movie and I can’t believe I am still NOT over it. Oh well.

The Half of It

Who in their right mind could resist the way she stares like this (see GIF below)?

I enjoy watching different portrayals of longing in cinema because it summons the power of CrushZone from the abyss of my heart. You get it right off the bat in the intro to Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire), Ellie's crush. There is a literal choir of (gay) longing. Feast on it. pic.twitter.com/YkYOc4V8GH

— Netflix Tudum (@NetflixTudum) May 4, 2020

The movie made me realize how we sometimes take for granted the magic of friendship and how we seem to over-rate romance so much that we value it more than the bonds we form through quiet understanding, compassion and shared interests. In the end, we shouldn’t spend so much time looking for our “half” to complete us, and instead focus more on growth and self-improvement. When we find genuine connections that help us be better, we should hold unto them because they’re hard to find these days.

It’s been almost a week since it premiered but I am still not over it! Alice Wu is the best. 😍